“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life…Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?…But seek FIRST the kingdom of God, and HIS righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:25-34
Let’s just face it-WAITING STINKS…
Patience is not one of my stronger virtues. (I can hear my mother laughing as she reads this) Fighting for the contentment to wait on “God’s perfect timing” has been a constant struggle for me my whole life and even more so the last 6 months. This has been a season of waiting. I know the truth: God is in control of when appointments are made and labs results are received. It’s all about trusting Him! It’s nothing more than that and it’s nothing less than that-if that makes sense. Through all this, He is after our hearts, not our happiness. Do I believe God has allowed all this just to teach me patience? Absolutely not. He is a loving Father and in Lamentations 3:33 we are told “He does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.” The above verses from Matthew have been some of my heart verses that have kept pulling my eyes toward Jesus when I get them on my circumstances instead. So, while it stinks to wait, God has been good to chip away at my impatience through this to help me see the beauty in today. I’m tired of missing things because I’m caught up in anxiety over things I can’t control.
And then there are days that we get pleasantly surprised…
The day after my neurology appointment last week, my sister, Erin, and I were praying together and she asked the Lord to bring the appointment up in His perfect timing. Originally, my appointment was set for May 6th, but we have been praying fervently for it to be moved up so that we can get a plan of care in place and also so that we can make plans for our kids for next school year. I had such peace as she was praying this! As soon as I hung up with Erin, I wrestled with whether or not to call, as I had just called a few days before and I was trying to be patient. (Again, I’m hearing my mother laughing) I decided to go ahead and call again, and could barely believe it when the receptionist immediately said, “We can get you in next Wednesday.” I was shaking and crying as I called Erin back to tell her what God had just done. This news was just the encouragement I needed after our appointment the day before where we were told I might have more degeneration taking place.
So, yesterday was the big day. The Genetics Clinic at UAB is an amazing place! They see all the people who are referred for genetic testing, from infants to adults. There are several different geneticists who work out of the same clinic. When my neurologist referred me there, my records had to be sent and reviewed to see which geneticist I should see and when that appointment could be set. Appointments take anywhere from one to two hours and they can only see a few patients each day, so you can see that it could take a very long time to get an appointment!
We weren’t sure what to expect, but it wound up not being a super emotional day like I thought it might be. Dr. Lose did an examination and his genetic counselor took an extremely thorough family history. He basically said what my neurologist said, that my labs point toward leukodystrophy, but my physical exam and even my MRI don’t. Without further testing, it’s impossible to know for sure what’s going on. He ordered some labs that were able to be done yesterday, and he also ordered genetic testing. That’s where it gets a little trickier. There are no labs in Alabama that actually do that kind of test, so blood has to be drawn and then sent off. Insurance does not like to pay for such expensive testing, so the clinic actually communicates with the different labs about what tests need to be done, then the labs communicate with insurance to see what they’re willing to pay, then the labs tell the clinic what our amount to pay will be, then the clinic compares the different deals and tell us what the best one is, then we decide if we’re willing to pay that amount, and then I can finally have the labs drawn, which take around two months to get back.
So now, we wait. And actually, I’m okay with that. I want to enjoy this beautiful weather and have fun with my kiddos on their spring break. I want to praise God for the good report form the ophthalmologist this week that my optic nerves show no signs of degeneration. I want to celebrate my Buddy’s 9th birthday today and be able to truly enjoy these moments that I’ll never get back. Fighting impatience and anxiety will always be something I struggle with. But I’m so thankful that my Heavenly Father knows what I need before I even ask, and today what I need is to trust all this to His loving hands and to have a light and joyful heart in the interim. He has given these things to me as gifts and I love Him for it!
“It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night, to the music of the lute and the harp, to the melody of the lyre. For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy.” Psalm 92:1-4